I am not particularly good at blogging. *Even this post has sat in my drafts folder for close to a week.* This isn’t a problem, as I don’t see myself as “a blogger”, more as somebody “with a blog”. But I was thinking the other day about why I am not particularly good at blogging. It isn’t anything to do with time (I am always writing stuff), so what is it? I think it is two fold. First of all, I am a pretty private person. Sharing feelings doesn’t come particularly easy to me (much to the frustration of my wife, at times!), and having the confidence to share ideas is almost as bad. It’s a bit of a fear of failure – of people not liking or rejecting my ideas, which is particularly ridiculous when we are talking about opinions – they’re mine to have, right or wrong. The second reason that has affected my blogging is my own misconception that every post needs to be detailed, long and chock full of “usefulness” for the peoples of the internet. I quick zip about the interwebs quickly shows how wrong I am. Sure, I don’t want to fill my blog with updates on my diet or bowel movements, but short posts that keep you (yes, I have readers!) informed of my feelings, thoughts and projects are perfectly fine.
Still, it was another realisations that prompted me to write this post (I have obviously had too much time to think). I realised that the things that stop me blogging also seriously affect my other writing. Not feeling comfortable expressing my own feelings has flowed on to my characterisation, leaving my characters flat at times. It has also limited the places I have taken my writing. I had a huge amount of trouble writing The Droog Family Songbook as I was worried people would think me odd (okay, odd-er) or creepy for writing about ultraviolence and Nazis. Sounds ridiculous, right? But that’s how my brain works. Also, my misconception about what or how much to share has often left me not starting projects, because I thought I might not finish them, that I would not have a long enough, detailed enough, or complete enough piece of work. And that is just complete horse shit. It flies in the face of everything I believe about “just write” and “give yourself permission to suck”. I need to kick myself in the arse.
So, here I am. I am making a commitment to write and share more regularly. To write half a blog post, or to tell you my dumb ideas. Consider yourself warned. I have also redesigned the website and am in the process of consolidating all my projects. The hosting for Peril Planet runs out next year and I don’t think I will be renewing it. Updates on all my gaming stuff will be here and the games will be available at various places (most likely Drive Thru RPG / RPGnow). The fewer places I have to update, the more likely they will get updated!
I have written enough. I will share again soon. Wish me luck!